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How magic heals me and sets me free?



“I don't believe in magic," the young boy said. The old man smiled, "You will when you see her.”

Atticus

I saw her.


Through a treacherous journey of a chaotic life, several errors in judgement, decades of meditative effort, mastery in critical thinking and years of logical denial, I stumbled on the reality that we are all actually magical beings with fantastic abilities to do, say or be anything we choose. The magic in us is so limitless, that it sets us free to honour, heal and hold our self. I am not talking about pulling a rabbit out of a hat, nor am I referring to casting a spell on someone. I am talking about a power much more subjective than that.


Magic is the endearingly illogical in our lives that is uncomfortably inexplicable. We all know that we do things for no reason sometimes. People call it their gut feeling, intuition, orenda, mojo etc. It is not the voice in our head but rather the one who hears it. It is the unlimited source of manifestation, creativity, love, kindness, courage, wilderness and wisdom within our own self. It is an option nature offers to all of us to live wild and magical lives.


It is the navigation map of a migratory bird, the reason a baby cries incessantly exactly when a parent is sick or stressed, the cause of the discovery of the DNA double helix, the secret behind many of Mozart’s symphonies, the reason we sometimes simply feel off before something bad is going to happen in our lives, the act of falling in love and that of healing from hurts, the strength to know exactly what you need and the courage to allow yourself the space and time to be unsure and unsettled for as long as you need. Magic is that sense of being that comes with simply knowing that you are limitless and liberated in the now.


It is not a power to be honed, wielded or weaponised, but rather a gift to be owned and honoured in each of us. Our magic is the greatest gift we have ever offered ourselves, and our acceptance of it is the greatest act of gratitude to the self. And when you are on that sort of a journey of self-discovery, you make many notes - on serviettes and journals, phones and laptops, whiteboards, books, starred whatsapp messages, saved posts on social media and mind pads! So I decided that this was a good time to collate all of it and put it in one place.

1. Magic is not just mysterious. Yes, I know. I too thought in the beginning that magic is some crazy mumbo jumbo full of mysterious crystals or strange incantations or crazy miracles of some sort! But I realised that magic actually hides in plain sight while we are looking for the mysterious! Magic is in the blooming of a flower, the fragrance of a herb, the growth of a child, our ability to digest, breath, heal, help, smile, love, wake up, dream or believe. Our power to remember, to forget, to let go, to hold on, to forgive, to figure - all of this, is magical. Since I stopped seeking mysteries, and started appreciating them, life has been magical every day!

2. Everyone has their own magic. C’mon, magic is not just the ability to predict something or some crazy calculation skills or healing powers! Magic is anything you want it to be. Everyone’s magic looks and feels different. So one thing I learnt is to not try to look for anything specific when I am trying to discover my magic, but rather just wait to be surprised by myself! And this was an important cue for me to know that even when someone may be acting completely unmagical by my opinion, they are simply following their own personal magic!

3. Love is the most powerful expression of magic. Yes, in love we do and feel stuff that is unbelievable. Love is a powerful way to experience magic. This I somehow knew as a child. But what I did not know is that magic begins with love for the self. One of my most radical findings was that we are not the ones who hold the magic in us, but rather we ARE the magic. And the only way to truly be our magical self is to love ourselves to the bits. If I don’t care for me, I clearly don’t care for my magic. Magic thrives in self-love. Do more of that shit. Please. When we attempt to love ourselves as much as we can manage, we slowly learn to make others feel extraordinarily loved. And insulating our lives with love, is sure to feel very magical.

4. Magic is self-fulfilling. When I disbelieved in magic, magic barely manifested in my life. Or rather, I barely saw how magic manifested in my life. I took pride in my unflinching loyalty to logic, my life felt hapless and I was more then fully convinced that magic is nothing more than convenient superstition. But when I began to believe in magic, magic manifests at all times in insane ways almost compelling me to see that life is entirely magical and that we are all magical beings. In other words, magic is not a power we hold, it is who we choose to be! And hence it is self-fulfilling.


5. Magic ignored is just magic unexpressed. One of the most haunting questions in my head is: ‘If I am really so magical, what happened back then?’ We all have lived making toxic decisions that led to self-sabotage. We are all in some way or other wounded by life. We have all messed up. But can magic mess up? Yes, it can. Especially, when we are trying hard to ignore it. Ignoring magic leads to misalignment with our true self. When we are not aligned to our magic selves, we will experience only an abridged adaptation of ourselves, our inner magic will remain constricted and we will feel deeply unmagical. The more we own how weird and gifted we are, the more magical our lives become.

6. Magic is not an assurance against life’s suffering. I own and abide in my magical self at all times now. But my life is not easy because of that. I still suffer. I am still in pain for most part of my life. My functionality is still limited. Magic did not ensure my life was free from troubles. But magic did make sure that none of it manages to make a bitter and broken version of who I am on the inside.


7. The world doesn’t want us to live magical. Living magical is difficult because the world is designed to ensure we don’t. If we all start living as magical beings, we may just crumble the cherished structures of economy, religion, society and politics at one go. And hence our deficit mentality is all the world needs to function as it currently does! This made me see how we are all subliminally manipulated to believe against magic.

8. Magic is organic. Waiting for magic to be experienced or discovered, is merely delaying yourself from living as you! All the steps and processes indicated by theorists and spiritualists, are just ways to keep us away from our magic, so that we keep moving from one theory to another, one path to another, one guide to another, hoping to find our magic. The fact is that there is no method to magic. Magic is simply being in the moment. When I sometimes still fall for the old trick and get stuck in processes, I simply take a close look at life in the now. And, I find magic right there all over again! Yes, I know this sounds radically simple. But magic is the organic, unprocessed, method-less simplicity of just being ourselves in the here and now.

9. Magic brews. Magic is like a marriage. We don’t discover it one assigned day. We build it up - one breath at a time, some love at a time, a bit of trust at a time, a lot of courage every time! Magic, like a good old love story, keeps brewing and growing in us. Every day is a new flavour, a new discovery, a new surprise! Enjoy it unfold every day rather than waiting to make it in the future.



10. Magic makes us centred. Most people live life on the periphery. When we connect with our inner magic, we become adept at moving inward to the very core of our beings. That does not mean I don’t get flustered or frustrated. Even today, I often wander into peripheral living. But magic helps me find my way back to my centre every single time. That is the meaning of being centred.



11. Magic is meditative. Whether you experience your magical self while serving a sick partner or listening to a popular rap, whether you sense it while watching a sunset or while weeping over a loss, whether you feel it while doing a yogi squat or find it while adding flaxseed to your salad, it doesn’t matter at all. If it reveals some more of you to you, it is meditation. And since personal magic is oriented for self-discovery, it is always meditative.




12. Magic makes us limitless. We can do anything with magic. Meaning, I am not just Alladin, but I am the cave, the lamp, the genie, the flying carpet, the talking monkey and the powerful Jasmine all wrapped in one. Just imagine that! We are so magical that our existence has absolutely no limits. Since magic is by itself limitless, owning our magic, renders us limitless too. We can do anything, risk anything, try anything.



14. Magic liberates us. Magic lifts the barriers we have put on ourselves. Magic brings us the ability to set ourselves free by simply knowing that no matter how we look, think, feel, eat, sleep, work or do anything in life, we are born magical and nothing can take that away from us. It makes us fearless and free.


15. Magic invokes oneness. When we feel limitless and magical, we develop a new way of looking at the world around us. Everything and everyone starts feeling equally and uniquely magical. And that means, we are all equally messed up and mystical. It means we are not as alone in our battles. It means we hold a special connection with everyone and everything, irrespective of whether or how much we may want to explore it. It means we are all one whole magical existence. And that is why we can magically love, understand, trust each other if and when we will.

16. It’s okay if you don’t want to believe in magic. We may have advanced in technology and civilisation, but we are still rather new to this universe. We don’t get all of it. Each of us is figuring out things on our own in our own unique way. If not believing in the power of your inner magic makes you happy, that is the best thing for you to do. If believing in the power of my inner magic makes me happy, that is the best thing I can do for myself. Whatever floats your boat, my dear friend. As long as you stay afloat, you are magical!




© 2020 by Nidhi Chaitanya