Meet the Aces

"There is just no such thing as 'normal', it's just another word for lifeless."

- Shah Rukh Khan

1. 'Ace' is the name used to represent people who are asexual, just like 'gay' is the name used to represent people who are homosexual.

2. Asexuality is a legitimate sexual orientation where a person does not experience sexual attraction and/or urge towards anyone.

3. In the initialism LGBTQIAP+, the A stands for asexual spectrum, or a-spec.

4. Asexuality is NOT:

  • a disease or a condition, that needs to be treated or overcome

  • the loss of sexual interest due to trauma or sexual abuse

  • experiencing fear of intimacy

  • loss of libido

  • sexual repression

  • sexual aversion

  • sexual dysfunction

  • sexual abstinence or celibacy

  • hate of sex

  • a gender identity

  • a disorder

  • a choice

  • a sign of hormone imbalance

  • absence of sexual experience

  • deprivation of satisfactory sex

5. Asexuality can be a spectrum too, with some people experiencing no sexual attraction, others experiencing a little sexual attraction, and others experiencing a lot of sexual attraction.

6. Everyone has a different experience with being asexual, and asexuality can mean different things to different people.

7. Many asexual people still have a libido and might experience sexual desire. So, asexual people might still masturbate or have sex.

8. Also, asexuality doesn’t always mean someone doesn’t enjoy sex. It just means they don’t experience sexual attraction.

9. An asexual person might want to have sex to satisfy their libido, to conceive children, to make their partner happy, to experience the physical pleasure of sex, to show and receive affection and/or for the sensual pleasure of sex, including touching and cuddling.

10. The asexual spectrum includes aromantic asexuals, demisexuals, greysexuals, greyromantics and sex-repulsed asexuals:

  • Aromantic: People who do not experience romantic or sexual attraction, though may engage in queer platonic partnerships (QPP) or even aromantic sexual activities.

  • Demisexual: People who are demisexual experience sexual or romantic attraction, but only after they have formed a close, emotional connection with someone.

  • Greysexual: People who only experience sexual attraction sometimes, people who experience sexual attraction but have a very low sex drive, people who desire and enjoy sexual relationships but only in very specific circumstances.

  • Greyromantic: People who only experience romantic attraction sometimes and/or people who desire and enjoy romantic relationships but only in very specific circumstances.

  • Sex Repulsed: People who do not engage in any kind of sexual interactions as they are repulsed by it.

11. One doesn’t need to have sex to know whether they are asexual or not, just like one doesn't need to have heterosexual intercourse to know they are homosexual or not.

12. Asexual people describe other sexual orientations as allosexual, which means people who have sexual attraction (or who are not asexual).

13. Asexuality as a sexual orientation continues to be under-represented and misunderstood. This is due to the invisibilisation of this sexual orientation from conversations surrounding LGBTQIA.

14. People from the asexual community are often abused and treated like abnormals, which has much adverse psychological impact.

15. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) was founded in 2001 and has provided greater awareness of the asexual community since its inception.

16. In 2008, Acebook went live and began connecting the asexual community online.

17. In 2011 the documentary film (A)sexual premiered, exposing more people outside of the Ace community to the basics of what asexuality looks like for some people.

18. In 2013 the Huffington Post ran a 6 article series on asexuality.

19. The last week of October is celebrated every year as the Axexual Awareness Week.

20. The Asexual Flag is purple white gray and black in ascending order:

  • Black is Asexuality

  • Grey is Gray-asexuality and demisexuality

  • White is Sexuality

  • Purple is Community.

21. Asexuals use the Ace playing cards as symbols for their specific orientation because “Ace” is a phonetic shortening of “Asexual.”

  • The Ace of spades is for Aromantic Asexuals

  • The Ace of hearts is for romantic Asexuals

  • The Ace of clubs is for gray-asexual and gray-aromantics

  • The Ace of diamonds is for demi-romantics and demisexuals.

22. Cake is a symbol associated with asexuality inside of the community. Thought to be linked to the old proverbial choice between cake and sex because asexual folks would probably choose cake over sex!

23. Some in the asexual community wear black rings, usually on a middle finger of the right hand to signify their identity.

24. An estimated 1% of the human population is asexual. That means 77 million people are currently asexual.

25. I am asexual.

  • I did not know I was ace till I was 35.

  • I have always been lost during the rampant binary dialogues around sex.

  • I have never had a crush on anyone.

  • I have often been made fun of for being sexually disinterested.

  • I have often asked myself if something is wrong with me.

  • I have had to often push back unsolicited sexual trial offerings.

  • I have always felt most comfortable in platonic relationships, which are free from all sexual intentions.

  • I don’t masturbate. I never have.

  • But I can experience and enjoy sex if I am in love.

  • I can fall in love and also be very romantic.

  • If I knew I was asexual since I was younger, I would have lived a different life.

  • I am glad I now know that nothing is wrong with me.

  • I am for the first time in my life comfortable in my sexuality and feel sexually normal.

"If You're Always Trying To Be Normal, You'll Never Know How Amazing You Can Be."

- Maya Angelou


Asexual Communities:

  1. AVEN the Asexual Visibility and Education Network is the largest online organization and educator about Asexuality and also hosts chat and forum communities for members.

  2. Asexuality Archive is an online information hub “a collection of all things Ace”.

  3. Acebook Is an online community for people who identify as Asexual to find friends and relationships.

  4. Asexual Awareness Week is an organization that hosts an annual week to promote awareness about the Asexual community in late October. See the site to participate and watch cute videos.

  5. Asexual Advice Tumblr: This is a FAQ and advice blog run through Tumblr.

Online Resources:

Content Resources:

1. Huffington Post In 2013 Huff Po’s Dominique Mosbergen published a 6-article series on asexuality. These articles included:

  • What is Asexuality – A Community’s Coming of Age

  • Asexual Disorder? The Search For Ace Identity Is Part Recognition, Part Redefinition

  • Asexual Relationships, Masturbation And Romance In The Ace Community

  • Battling Asexual Discrimination, Sexual Violence And ‘Corrective’ Rape

  • LGBT, Asexual Communities Clash Over Ace Inclusion

  • Asexual Community Leaders Look Toward The Future

2. Film: (A)sexual (2011) was directed by Angela Tucker. The IMDB description of this film reads “Facing a sex obsessed culture, a mountain of stereotypes and misconceptions, and a lack of social or scientific research, asexuals – people who experience no sexual attraction – struggle to claim their identity”

3. Books:

4. Youtube channels:

© 2020 by Nidhi Chaitanya